The below list about Welcomed Consensus BenchMarks was forwarded to me from someone who came across my site. She feels as strongly as I do that people need to know the truth about what is actually happening with RJ Testerman’s group. She will remain anonymous for the moment. I did not edit the list below at all, but I have had extensive in depth conversations with the author.
I have received many emails, texts and FB chats but I will not use anyone’s story without their expressed permission. If you want to add your voice anonymously, or with your name, I will protect you as much as the law allows. I believe that the addition of more voices will help me to stop RJ and his group from hurting others. You can reach me at this email truthaboutrj@gmail.com.
I am working on a post that is similar and will post it here when it is ready, thanks for reading!
Christine
Another Voice
10 Things to Know Before Attending a San Francisco BenchMark
1. It is called a BenchMark because people attending the event are considered marks for recruitment into RJ’s cult. This information is not disclosed when newcomers inquire about the meaning behind the name.
2. Women are recruited to BenchMarks at a high level across many dating websites including Tinder, Bumble, and OkCupid.
3. The fee for the event is listed as “$11 or whatever” to imply that any donation is considered acceptable, but attendees are judged on how much money they pay for the event. This fee structure is a way to gauge how willing people are to commit to the experience and, ultimately, the ideology of the group.
4. Inviting unsuspecting people to a non-threatening event hosted by attractive, engaging women is the most common and effective way for cults to recruit new members.
5. Members of the group are instructed to exude happiness and positivity at BenchMarks (even when they are not feeling it) in order to portray the image of an idyllic community. Members are instructed not to discuss negative issues pertaining to group/house dynamics and/or interpersonal relations. Members are instructed not to deliver withholds to newcomers so as not to “blow their minds”.
6. Specialized group language and lingo is thrown around by members to subconsciously convey an air of exclusivity and elitism. Newcomers develop a curiosity about the lingo, leading them to participate more deeply through courses and social activities they may be invited to by members. Learning the new lingo gives newcomers the feeling of being accepted into an exclusive club.
7. There is a house meeting held before the BenchMark to discuss the new attendees, and a meeting after the BenchMark to discuss specifics of people’s participation. The main functions of.these meetings is to assess who is most likely to get on board and how best to approach them.
8. If a newcomer starts to share something sad or challenging, or in any way portrays themselves as a victim, the group leaders will intervene as quickly as possible to redirect the questions to neutral or “fun” subjects. Over time, regulars to the BenchMark become trained not to discuss anything sad, hard or upsetting, or anything that might be considered a “downer”.
9. The primary function of the BenchMark is to recruit men, women, and children into RJ’s Testerman’s sphere of influence.
10. All of the above is expected to be kept secret by group members.
” Over time, regulars to the BenchMark become trained not to discuss anything sad, hard or upsetting, or anything that might be considered a “downer”.”
Thank you for putting the words out that have been in my head for years. I attended and ran Benchmarks for 4-5 years. I was not only pressured to act as if all about pleasurable living, but to lure women to take courses with RJ’s cult. I lost all sense of reality while living there. Thank you for your honesty.
Thank you, Denise! So good to have you home 🙂
Christine — every time I try to post, I get a message saying I am being suspected a bot. I promise I am human. 🙂
Last time, breaking up my post into several shorter ones seemed to work, so I’’ll try that again.
“withholds”
That was easily the most bizarre part of the evening, and that is saying something. The first one I attended (I only went to two), they started going around sharing withholds, first telling everyone to not be emotional and also not to react to what is said.
Everyone became stone faced and the room was filled with an inexplicable and socially awkward silence (I saw much more of this on display at the sensuality basics course).
And then the language — the words used being so specific and uniform, to the point that they corrected people if they didn’t say the words in the exact order … Inside me, red flags were waving all over the place.
When it was my turn, I felt completely put on the spot, so I said, “I guess I have a withhold to share with the whole group,” and they all asked me what it was I had to share … in that bizarre, unemotive, dead-inside robotic manner.
“I still don‘t understand the purpose of this game, it doesn’t feel like a game at all, and I am very uncomfortable right now.”
Not one person talked to me about what I said afterward. No one even acknowledged it.