Ellen Huet’s description of Nicole Daedone and her creation of One Taste is engaging and honest. She neither sugarcoats nor demonizes Nicole, but tells the story fully and clearly. Ellen also captures the essence of RJ Testerman and Vic Baranco. She has put the work in to unravel the teaching and belief system that Vic created. There are times when Nicole is credited for creating these beliefs and practices, but they were not hers. Anyone involved with Morehouse or The Welcomed Consensus will quickly realize that there was nothing new in her game. From “rapidly changing realities” to “crotch sneeze”, all these phrases and shorthand descriptions were Vic’s, as taught by RJ. So were the games played, like push-pull, in-out, and the need for service as a higher calling. In some parts of the book, Nicole is almost mythologized, but again, if you saw Vic or RJ in action, you know that her addition to the belief system and the “practice” was only a new name with plenty of cultural appropriation threaded through and some new-age practices sprinkled on top.
Nicole Daedone and Rachel Cherwitz. I knew nothing about Rachel before I read Empire of Orgasm, but I recognized the position of Junk Yard Dog. Both Vic and RJ had one, but neither had a salesperson like Rachel.
I’m not claiming that Nicole had no mojo, as clearly she does. Her training with Ray Vetterline gave her a path and smoothed out her edges, but she was a vibrant huckster even when I knew her all those years ago. What she created was abusive, but also impressive. Throughout the book, I couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if she had taken this information and used it as a truly self-empowering practice for women and men. I kept thinking, why does a woman’s orgasm have to be mystical? Why does it have to be earth-shattering and life-changing? Can’t we just get off? Why does so much need to be hung onto the simple pleasure of having an orgasm? If the practice of putting attention on a woman’s clitoris and asking her how she liked it was presented clearly, there’d be less to sell. If a woman’s vagina and desire to orgasm were as everyday as a man’s, there would be nothing to hype or to ultimately control. In a reflection of the misogynistic world we live in, Nicole only furthered the “mystery” of a woman’s orgasm by attributing to it the power to move the cosmos. Just like RJ did. This is a shame, as she was capable of much more, and women deserve more.
Just before Netflix released Orgasm Inc: The Story of One Taste, the Welcomed Consensus posted this on their site. RJ Testerman knew that eventually this would be traced back to him.
Ellen attributes many of One Taste’s practices to the Welcomed Consensus and Morehouse. It is a relief to see the truth about RJ explained and followed throughout Nicole’s trajectory. My only issue here was the one inference that the Welcomed Consensus “experimented” with violence. This lands hard for those who were “experimented” on. That makes it seem as if it were somehow planned and tempered. Those who were involved but have yet to hold up their hands and take responsibility must be relieved that RJ’s drunken beatings were described in this way. As if the “esoteric higher teachings” weren’t based on the same hype and abuse. Yes, he used “heavy pressure” in DOing sessions, but it wasn’t experimental. It was based on the belief that RJ’s feelings were always right. If he felt irritated or angry and thought you needed to be hit, kicked, or publicly shamed, then that would happen, and everyone would support him. The alternative for anyone watching was to feel the wrath pointed at themselves for not being “in agreement”. The culture of fear he created wasn’t an experiment but a necessary cog in the wheel that kept the community separate and silent.
If you have never been involved in any of these groups, Ellen does an excellent job describing what the attraction was/is to this information and community. She takes a complex system and lays it bare for the reader to digest while still keeping the thread of Nicole’s story. She is a great writer who did her homework, and I recommend this book to anyone who wants to understand how and why Nicole is in jail awaiting charges. I also recommend this book to anyone who has had any experiences with One Taste, the Welcomed Consensus, or Morehouse. It’s available in audio, read by Ellen herself. Even if you have no connection or knowledge of any of these groups, it’s still a good read that provides insight into how the promise of a better life, groupthink, and peer pressure, coupled with control of the nervous system, can capture our minds and bodies.
This may be unsettling, but it needs to be known. Togetherforgirls.org
Finally, I want to commend Ellen for untangling the Victim vs Villain mentality so effectively. This viewpoint is rife not only in these groups but in the world at large. RJ used to say (and I honestly don’t know if this was another of Vic’s pithy sayings) that “there are no victims, only volunteers”. I carried this viewpoint for years, but now I understand why it was a needed part of the belief system, why I needed it. No one wants to feel powerless and vulnerable, but we all are at times. No one feels more powerless and vulnerable than a child who is sexually molested by an adult. All understanding about sex, intimacy, love, safety, self-worth, belonging, attractiveness, and so much more is stamped on, and all the natural pathways through puberty and beyond are broken.
One Taste and the Welcomed Consensus sucked in a lot of victims of child molestation. Given the statistics, there is a large pool of customers. It’s not only that their trauma was targeted, but that those who experienced it don’t have the red flags and signals that would send them running. Those of us who have been molested walk around with an open wound that is not healed alone. I remember my relief when Brian, my first teacher at Morehouse, said, “We all had shitty childhoods, but we can let that go and just have fun.” Wow, how nice to just let all that go and move on, but the past catching up with you is a cliché for a reason. RJ always said and acted like I had all the power. That I was in control and getting just what I wanted. This was a much better feeling to carry around than the truth of what he was really using me for.
“The falsehood that exalts we cherish more than meaner truths that are a thousand strong.”
Pushkin by way of Chekhov
I know there are discussions about Nicole. Why did she do the things she did? The truth is, she wasn’t more sexual than any other girl; she was just sexualized younger. Sexualized by someone who should have protected her. She’s not looking for the “thrill” she had when her father molested her. She’s looking for a way not to feel the hurt of being a vulnerable young girl who was having her place in the world distilled down to her sex. The hardest part for me in reading this book was seeing myself in Nicole’s story. I also aggressed on my sexuality and diminished my need for intimacy and safety. I also thrived on reckless behavior and copious amounts of drugs. Her need for increasingly intense experiences and control was a response to the natural growth of a human mind grappling with the stories that have kept its most painful betrayals at bay.
The prosecution requests 14 years for Rachel.
Hurt people, hurt people. This is not an excuse for Nicole’s or RJ’s behavior, but as Ellen suggests, you have to step back and take in the whole elephant to understand and possibly even have a little compassion. I actually have more compassion for Nicole than I did before reading her story. Compassion is not forgiveness. Like with RJ, forgiving abusers who don’t acknowledge and apologize for their actions only compounds the burden. It’s a way to duck out on the real work of understanding, which requires starting with an unflinching acceptance of self. Understanding why settles the rage and lifts the insult. It wasn’t about me; it was always about RJ and his own demons. Just as all of Nicole’s search through drugs, sex, and control is hers.
Thanks for reading,
Christine
Here is some good information for those who may need it. It can help you understand why you feel the way you do.
When the Body Says No, Book by Gabor Mate
Healing Honestly, Website by Johns Hopkins University
Enough Abuse, Website by non-profit to support survivors. I love the link included here for partners of sexually abused women.
